I'm only staying strong because it'd be selfish if i didn't.
I'm done with everything and everyone.
You had to get me to my breaking point today.
I will be around as long as my mom and my cats need me.
Afterwhich, I'm gone. Away, alone and far from everything.
I don't mind leaving everything behind.
I'm not living my life. Whatever the definition is for life.
I need to. I want to have my life.
But for now, I only pray Allah keeps me sanity.
May 2012.
I'm only looking forward to Russell Peters.
Nothing more. No one else.
________________________________________
OMG I HAVENT BEEN HERE IN FUCKING AEONS.
_____________________________________________
HIATUS.
may not be back again.
__________________________________________
this is in no relation to anything in particular.
just a thought i'd share generally.
see, the reason why the world is a
sad, dangerous, unhappy, horrible place
like most of us see it these days
is simply because we expect things to go our way.
the reality of it is that
the world is designed to have individuals who are unique in their own ways.
now, those last few words may seem nice/positive or whatsoever.
but it is because of the differences we have that leads
us to a whole lot of unhappiness.
some are stupidier, some are emotional,
some are less rational, some are fat, some are thin
some are egoistic, some are too happy,
some are living without any problems
some are richer, some are bastards.
and we have to accept people of such in our lives
because we live with families, friends, colleagues, acquaintances.
and a radical thing to do is to shut ourselves from the world
which no one, no one is willing to do
as much as you say "i'd be happier on my own".
with that, we live within a wide spectrum of the unhappiness continuum.
from brushing it off with a laugh to suicide.
so you may say to me, "just fucking deal with these people lah. you also say must live with them what"
then i would say the same damn thing
to each and everyone of you out there!
nevertheless! i would say, you DO NEED such people in your life.
you learn a whole lot of shit you never thought you would.
this is no bullshit i'm saying so you'd be "more positive" in life.
like, be happy no matter what, let nobody bring you down.
none of that shit.
i'm just saying, this is life. this is the world as it has been designed.
there is no running away no matter what.
sure you may let someone out of your life. but certainly there are other people still in existence?
i know i'm speaking the obvious.
for that matter, i don't know if the obvious makes sense.
and for that, i don't know if sense comes as a common thing to many.
we're hating and resenting so much today
we lose sight of the obvious.
we're pretty much aware and appreciating the little things in life.
but the obvious. do we see it more these days?
NOW THAT. that is something new you might hear.
of course as you may have already noticed,
i did not mention things like disasters and deaths
which is part of the whole unhappiness thing we face in life.
that's God's call.
we're angry at horrible things that are unpreventable
as it comes by "naturally" with the power of God.
but we have to accept it and overcome it NO MATTER WHAT.
but if i just could link it to my point,
why don't we just accept and overcome whatever shit we get in life
that comes in the form of other human beings?
i find myself getting off track here.
there's no hidden message or is this a personal attack to anyone.
just take it as it is.
i don't wish to spur any anger or resentment against myself.
if there's any, you might as well tell me not to think.
however, i would love to have a conversation about this with someone who cares.
till then, life IS short. do make the most out of it.
if you cannot live a day at your fullest,
give yourself the benefit of knowing you tried to make things work
whether with yourself or someone else.
and if everything is just so fucked up,
always always always know there's a reason to it.
often God's way of letting you know or realise something.
this is also no positive or motivating shit.
i only intend to make some sort of realisation.
if anything makes sense at all.
good night.
___________________________________________________
what hurts and lasts forever?
a tattoo.
_______________________________________________
Humans are attracted to what's symmetrical.
I believe this statement encompasses just why
the world is one hell of an unhappy place.
________________________________________________
I'M SO FWEAKING EXCITED JUST TO GET ON THE AEROPLANE!
WHAT MORE TO BE IN PHUKET!
nyeheheheheh. sorry ah. i just love aeroplanes.
doing some last minute checks.
and i'll be out in abit.
my flight is really another 12 hours from now
but i'm meeting my jellyfish babies at airport first
plus i want to get in transit early.
heheheheheh.
this could just be the PREHONEYMOON.
HAHAHAHA PREHONEYMOOON! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
oh and i'm turning 20 there!
i like the idea of turning 20 there
but not turning 20!
but i'm super excited to be a whole somewhere else.
just my love and me.
toodles.
be back friday night/saturday.
love much!
_________________________________________
not exactly back from hiatus.
but the 3day2nights with Jellyfish in Thailand
at the huge huge chalet was extremely awesome.
there was just too many things done and
i can just actually imagine how it'd be like
if we were to all live under one roof together.
haha.
phuket in 12 days.. so i'm 20 in about 14 days?
20 seh. 20. i'm turning 20 first among us all.
okay lah. at least i'll be the guinea pig
and tell the rest of you how being 20 is like.
BUT YAYYY PHUKET WITH ARYYYY!
i got all Bs for semester one exam.
it's actually disappointing when i expected at least one A.
i know it's not bad at all, but i thought i could have at least had an A
and at least a grade point average of 4.00.
only good thing is no repeating of module next semester.
sigh. better luck next time i guess.
everything else is just fine and dandy.
see all of you when you're all back from KL.
we really should have all gone together this december seh.
hahaha. loves.