see, here's the thing.
after everything and lots of thinking
i came to a conclusion that
from now on,
i don't and shall not and will not
give a fuck. any sort of fuck at all
to people who don't content me.
i just don't.
i've gone through enough and i've had enough.
yeah, a nineteen year old person is saying this.
it's either good things and being happy
or i won't, give a mother rat's ass about shit.
life's way too short for me to be hanging around shit.
i don't even mind losing people who aren't worth it.
point proven, my father.
what more an acquaitance or a friend or a stranger.
think what you will of me,
feel what you will of me.
at the end of the day, i don't owe you nothing.
don't owe none of you nothing.
i've lost many people along the way in my life.
sometimes it was my mistake, sometimes theirs,
sometimes their emotions get in the way, sometimes mine.
so here's the quote that some of you can use to get by life,
'Be grateful to the one who insults you for he delivers you from the misfortune of loving him.'
there's no need to feel nothing no more.
no reason to. no time to. not worh to.
just live your life. all of you, live your life
as it damn well should be.
life's just way too short.
__________________________________________
exams have been rather easy so far.
you'd expect tough application questions that
boggle up your head and confuse you
and makes you want to just leave the exam hall
when you are taking an exam in university, right?
haha. i'm superbly glad none of that happened.
it was much memory work, and regurgitation
of content learnt in the course.
it has been a breeze so far, not too speak too fondly
but sastera is next wednesday
and we all know how literature questions are.
and let me emphasise that it's sastera.
so it's malay. i don't really know how to bullshit
my way through in malay though i know how to
speak bullshit in malay so wish me luck with that.
and the world is not going to end in 2012.
haha, now i can be in the conversations of 2012 already.
see, there's different point of views that we can look at.
one, that the world goes through another change
in the physical state of the earth
like from the ice age to the don't know what age and yadayada.
two, like that all of us look at when we refer it to our own religions.
if we look at the first one, we can technically say,
that the world already ended many many times before, right?
all that aside, now any american movies
that's gonna feature their president,
is gonna feature a black dude. haha.
i don't know where to start about how it went at the court today.
family court. many malay families.
juvenile court. many mats and minahs.
sungguh tak surprising.
the law states things that are rather objective and somewhat fair.
but the family court, where the law is played,
is a place where people who are too pathetic, emotional or stupid
to deal with themselves or each other go to.
okay lah, maybe just the family court among the three courts.
so the so-called verdict is that,
maintenance money is stopped.
and it was ME who came to that decision.
it was a simple, just stop it.
and it refers to alot more than just my father not giving me money.
i heard what he said in the room as to why he wants to stop it.
and i am not bothered to allow myself or my mum to go
through anymore doggy dogg because of him.
i am not bothered to even fight for anything from him anymore.
i am not bothered.
because he is a money-minded motherfucker,
and will always be one until he is on his death bed.
i broke down right after he said,
"i have a child, a wife, and my business is doing bad.
i can't afford to give her money."
and it was right at that moment,
i knew it was over. i am done. done with him.
dear haron bin mahmood,
you have more than 5 employees,
you mentioned about wanting to migrate,
and i am your daughter too.
you said i have been neglecting you in so many ways.
and if this is how i'm being "punished" by you,
by all means, by every damn mean,
do so.
rather than hate you or fight with you
or allow my mum to go through this because of
how fucked up you are and her wanting to see me well-supported,
i'll stop all this nonsense.
at least with the court and the law and all that shit.
one day, maybe one day in the future,
either you or me realise that we still flesh and blood
and we decide to apologise and forgive,
then who knows maybe we can be father and daughter, again.
i only hope it's not too late, then.
because honestly, from the bottom of my heart,
as much of a bitch or motherfucker i am,
i still know you are my father,
and i should respect you and i cannot live
with that grudge against you.
and i always believe that good things come to me,
when i do good to my parents,
because it really actually comes from God.
so just like any another break-up in a relationship,
let's just let things settle off,
and who knows... maybe that one day will come.
be honoured, dad.
your daughter still looks up to you, even a tad bit,
after all you put her through.
and she hopes and prays
that one day you'd realise that when you die,
you go back to Him.
and you damn well answer for everything. everything.
since you want to end your responsibility as a father,
by all means do so.
i only want to start this thing called "kebaikan" or goodness.
because i know for sure the same old thing is going to
happen if this maintenance money thing is continued.
which i am not bothered anymore with.
so i'll stop it now.
i'll survive dad, don't worry.
i've been surviving life since the day i was born.
i wish you great happiness with your son and wife
whom you claim highly of.
but i'm just waiting dad... like any other human being out there.
waiting.
and i'm retiring as a teacher without pension.
goverment sial?
sudah tentu.
money money money.
everything also about money.
when i was 12,
i told myself that i do want to be wealthy
but not so much.
maybe a tad bit more than to survive would be nice.
because money makes you lose your morales.
and makes you forget about the little things of life.
appreciation, love and all of that.
makes you forget even about the afterlife.
so be careful what you wish for.
cos you just might get it.
peace, love and ice cream.
that's all i want now.
_________________________________________
love. lust. relationships. trust. betrayal. hurt.
it's all around us.
it's how you deal with it,
whether you want to or not.
emotions. no one understands them.
at nineteen, most of us feel we're too young
to fully comprehend the intricacies(sp?) of it.
but we do anyway, comprehend them, i mean.
we have to. we're growing up.
if we don't, we're immature and socially impaired.
so much to say... so much going on...
so much to do.
2009 has been a bad year. for me, and some others around me.
maybe it's time for all of us to be happy.
like really, just once,
don't give a rat's ass about any doggy dogg bullshit,
put all that aside, give in to what we want,
do how we want to do things,
and give a fuck care about everything else.
either to feel that temporary high,
or who knows, maybe it'll go a long way in something.
i so want exams to be over.
i just want that freedom of mind.
not so much, freedom as to what i can do after that,
but really, just a freedom of mind.
to the point that the novelty of clubbin on the 25th is lost.
omg. am i growin up already? HAHA.
spare me a miracle if you have one.
i need it for exams.
i don't even know what is the feeling i have now.
anxiety but then again, i feel calm.
what do you feel taking an exam in university anyway?
oh ya. SUPER #@%t$rgvdbhry^n#%$#b^^!!!! ANXIETY lor.
have the fun while you still can, everyone.
cos shit is bound to happen.
haha. true that!
________________________________
what's going to happen 5 years from now?
_______________________________
2 more weeks to
a tad bit more freedom than i'm having now.
and i've decided to add one more thing to my to-do list
during the holidays and that is to
GET FAT.
i feel thin and bony..
i know i know... i'm rather fleshy in comparison
to most girls out there
but i prefer a bit more weight.
ebonics. haha.
let's all talk in ebonics.
i take you to the candy shop~
_________________________________
psychology 2.5k word essay
and sastera 20page essay is
done done doned.
from now till end of the month
is study study mug mug mug for exams
which consists 3 papers - linguistics jawi sastera.
i cannot wait for it to be over lah please.
but it has only been a semester.
semester = half a year.
i have another 3 and a half years to go.
good luck.
i'm looking forward to days that
take me away from the madness.
beach on tuesday and movie on friday.
yayy.
k back to the last bit of rolling around
and doing absolutely nothing.
cos tomorrow i will start studying.
good luck, yet again.
__________________________________________
i feel like my brain has been congested.
c.o.n.g.e.s.t.e.d
you know the feeling like you just want to stone.
like really, just sit down and stare into nothingness
think about nothing do nothing
just fucking absolutely nothing.
yah, i would like to do that.
maybe for the whole day.
maybe to look less like a freak,
i'll meditate and imagine myself frolicking in flowers
where the sun is shining bright
and birds and butterflies are flying around.
but really. all i want to do is nothing.
keep myself away from all the technologies
like laptop, handphone, television, mp3.
away from any form of human being or animal.
AND JUST DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
then snap back into reality the next day.
i'm no optimist.
if you are, and you really do know how to make the fullest
of everything in life.
every god damn fucking thing in life,
please do enlighten me. give me some advise, some enlightenment,
some new perspectives because i feel like
i'm losing it. losing what i thought i could handle so well
despite whatever.
EMO KAPERR GIRL.
k dah.
right now i hate mukhlis. sorry, doc.
i really do feel like plucking what's left of
the hair on your head and
ripping your super old clothes apart.
ooohhh so much angst. angsty teenager.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
i aspire to work my way up to MOE's HQ
and abolish assessments.
and then i'll be so LEGENDARY, muhfucka.
____________________________________________
i've just thought of one more thing i can do
during the holidays.
do up my blog with a proper layout.
but then again,
i prefer having my blog
being a blog solely for reading and thinking.
without all the other frills of navigation
with links tagboard photos songs yadayada
yang sungguh tak perlu dan boleh
menyebabkan irritatingness to the reader.
okay lah. i just do a super simple one.
you know.
sometimes i really do not know
what i would do without you.
haiya...
okay bye. let's start blabbering
nonsense on emotional development
of this person named Lana
who is really alot like me.
hahahaha.
imiu already.
you just left me 45mins ago.
tsk. haiya...
____________________________________________
i've been having problems with size.
my hair lacks some serious volume.
which is rather irritating cos when my hair was straight,
it'd frizz up like my father's business.
but now that it's curled, it prefers to be all limp
and totally un-volumised.
i'm getting smaller curls.
my cheeks lost almost all the fats,
that my face shape looks thin.
plus my dark eye circles and eyebags,
i look like one haggard dying woman.
i want to be tembam again please.
i. cannot. wait. for. 25. november.
it's a wednesday.
weddddneeeessssdddddaaaaaaayyyyyy.
ok i'll have it short term.
i cannot wait for 6 november.
2 papers due. 1 day of rest. then
back to where i've been for the past 12 years.
mugging -__-
apart from all of that,
life is good.
maybe i'm tak berguna
at some point of my life when it comes to
things i should be doing but never really got into doing it,
but i'm working on it.
i'm 19, an aspiring teacher who's slugging for a degree.
give me a break from all the other necessities
which i know will come by and be done later on.
emancipation of women. blame it on globalisation.
i need new brassieres.
sigh. 12 november come soon please.
suddenly november like got so many things ah?
then 19 november go family court for another hearing.
haha. oh yeah. life is good.
and sometimes...
just sometimes...
periods can be so soo good.
;)
and to all a good night.
___________________________________________
if only i can do this every single day.
with you.
then we can grow fat from all that lazing around together.
life will be so perfect.
____________________________________________
haha i just realised we never lived a day
free from politics of people in our circle.
i don't know. maybe it makes a conversation starter?
yes people, we do get that pathetic sometimes.
and since someone mentioned i'll blog about this
though i really have no intention to,
i will anyway.
for a moment today i felt i was going through a divorce.
the bitter conversations, papers,
change/transfer of account owner.
haha. marriage and divorce.
it's almost as if everyone succumbs to the fact that
a marriage will end up in a divorce.
issues today. haha. think about it.
omg i miss watching flight of the conchords.
ooohhh... what is wrong with the world today~~
i've been too tired to function.
i want to be free from nonsense problems troubles issues
and all other crap that comes with life,
and lie in a patch of grass and gaze at the stars.
i'm happy nevertheless.
not that much content, but happy.
how can i not be?
i have what i want and
i want what i have.
__________________________________________
if you can't accept it,
and just maybe be a tad bit happy for me,
insisting on what you claim is right or best,
that i've been a heartless bitch,
so be it.
from where i stand,
it wasn't worth my time and effort
to stay and do something i was sick and tired of doing.
don't blame me entirely for it.
blame whom you claim the victim.
all this, every single bit of shit there is,
doesn't even involve you.
so why. why. just why do you have to act immature about it.
sure it hurts to know.
but you and all this, isn't worth me feeling any pain.
for pits and cracks sake,
have you tried some perspective taking?
see where i come from?
of course not. everything has to be just good for you.
like how it has always been your whole life.
unlike people like me,
who want something good, something they feel they deserve,
to actually feel some contentment and satisfaction in life,
in whatever form there is.
so hate me, despise me,
make plans of killing me and making me suffer
since it makes you happy.
cos no matter what,
i mean it, for this once i do mean it,
i'm happy as long as you're happy.
sometimes, and i'm sure everyone experienced this before,
something/someone that mattered much at one point in time,
can all turn round into nothing at another.
but from where i see it,
i only mattered because of certain circumstances.
apart from all that,
you're right to say i needed or should have "chilled"
before getting into anything.
it's hard to explain how something is right there,
and you want is so much and don't want to waste anymore time
because what's the point anyway if you do so?
okay maybe it's not hard to explain.
it's similar when buying a freaking nice pair of shoes
you know you'd want to wear everyday
even till it wears out because it's just everything you ever wanted.
well, something like that.
i'm just glad there actually are people,
better known as friends,
who are happy and supportive of me and where i am now.
ahh. like who actually knows the oh-so subjective
definition of "true friends" anyway?
and what's the point of defining?
setting for yourself a criteria or prerequisites a true friend should have?
and then what?
sometimes it's the big things they do,
sometimes it's the littlest things there is,
that makes up this whole idea for yourself
on who your "true friends" really are.
though often we get lost in the thought of one being
a true friend because they did one great thing for you.
or immediately degrade a true friend to acquaintance or enemy
because you're too caught up in your selfish emotions
or sometimes, depending on circumstances,
he or she did something that's just so WTF.
ahh. it's getting complex.
let's just say, a true friend is
there NO MATTER WHAT.
i cannot emphasise it more.
i'm happy. period.
let's all be.
_________________________________________
i want waffles with icecream,
whipped cream, chocolate fudge and caramel,
chocolate rice, sliced banana.
i want pancakes with butter
and lots lots of maple syrup.
all that with one venti caramel frappe
with whipped cream and extra caramel drizzle.
while i'm at it, one lava cake,
with chocolate fudge and whipped cream on the side.
and maybe one oreo cheesecake.
please?
ahahahaha. fat.
i want more clothes also.
a pair of boots would be nice
but i love my new shoes! :))
everything is well, just nice now...
:)
________________________________________
i cannot wait for 25november.
that's a month from now.
pray i'll survive this ordeal.
and i hate you.
maybe you should start thinking of your death.
that'll change you.
cos you are one big motherfuckin asshole
who cannot bare the thought of having to
give money to your own daughter.
please die. oh please please fucking please die.
oh wait before that,
give me my money.
plus some shares from that company.
then die.
_______________________________________
fear.
living in your own circle of thoughts
and allowing your emotions to take over.
afraid of losing someone
but at the same time
can't be around that someone
because you are so scared.
tell me how.
__________________________________________
if i fail to become a good malay teacher in the future,
i intend to pursue a degree in psychology.
crazy shit sia how the mind works.
i never thought i'd say this in a gazillion years,
but i actually am looking forward to doing
my psychology essay once i'm done with philosophy's
which by the way has currently abt 3.3k words
after i cut it down from 3.5k.
the word limit is 2000.
i have this thing about the inability of being concise.
i intend to stay up tonight to do some major editing,
literally major to the max kind of major
cos 1.3k words is so not funny
and i cannot wait to go
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I'M DONE BITCHES!
after tomorrow i'm allowed 5bucks to school
unless i need to do some topping up
or going to do necessary expenditure after school.
because i'd be broke in 2weeks if i don't do so
plus i need to save minimum 250bucks this month.
note to all: i'll be in phuket on 4-8january.
REPEAT. 4TH TO 8TH JANUARY.
which means on the 4,5,6(SIX/ENAM),7 and 8 january i'm away.
I CANNOT WAITTTTTTTTTTT.
______________________________________________
today was the first time in a long while
that i woke up at 0515 in time for school.
only to have my regular throbbing migraine.
which could have came about due to lack of rest/sleep.
nevertheless, i dragged myself to the bathroom.
only to throw up some bile juicies and some stuff i had yesterday.
i sat on the toilet to pee and then realised
that there was no way i could live the day.
i went back to bed at 0545.
i finally got up at noon. the migraine still lingered.
popped 2 panadols, took a shower and have been doing my essay eversince.
i've had 2 unfulfilling smoke breaks cos my throat hurts.
at 5pm later i'll be going to the clinic to get my mc
which i have to pay full price for
since i've yet to make my civil service card.
life on tuesday, october the 13th.
_________________________________________
i have this really strong inability to do this
because the task is way too daunting
as it involves reading, thinking and writing.
it's extremely simple if i can just
sit my ass down and start doing it
but not after completing 2 tasks which have
also involved reading, thinking and writing.
if you're an NIE year 1 student,
you'd know what it is.
MAHFUCKIN AED105 ESSAY.
thank you very much.
sometimes i wish luck wasn't on my side.
maybe now i'd be floating around between jobs
trying to find something to settle down with
and work towards earning 2.5k as a start of my career.
who knows.
maybe i'd really be a cabin crew.
or a banker.
or a principal associate in APS.
or a retail associate somewhere.
or a manager of my own company.
or writing a book. (unlikely)
or pursuing dancing.
or maybe pursuing a degree in FASS.
now i'm stuck learning how to be a malay teacher.
i don't even know 60% of the words in the kamus,
create bad sentence structures,
knows little to nothing about the malay culture,
and have a strong dislike(not hate) for the people i'm working for.
plus i am too sembarang to be a teacher.
unless the pay bombs my pocket after 2 years of teaching,
i'm bound to get a new career.
i am quite sorry for myself actually.
i'm sorry to u too MOE.
____________________________________________
i can spend hours sitting with you
and talking about everything under the sun
every day
and still not get sick of it.
____________________________________________
i haven't been having anything interesting.
politics after politics.
people refusing to give in,
people insisting on what they want,
people who'd rather shut up than talk.
whatever makes you happy, makes me happy anyway.
I CANNOT WAIT TO END THIS SEMESTER.
i have 3 essays due. one project work.
tutorials. tests. exams.
i don't mind being less of a socialite for now.
you seem to be getting along really really well.
imiu. imiu. imiu. imiu.
678triple98212.
___________________________________
if that's how it is,
then maybe people should stop
"trying to be nice".
i swear to god,
fucking don't even bother.
one fucking good getaway from
complexities and complications
would render me some fucking goodness.
for one day, just one day.
i want to refuse to see how people feel,
insist on my own emotions,
have no sense of rationality,
or any bit of perspective taking,
and live the day in the minds of you people.
it just won't stop.
for goodness sake.
till when? till fucking when?
GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK.
_____________________________________
seems like you're always right.
you know what's trying too hard?
i became so weak.
my nights have GOT to start ending right.
____________________________________
emotions vs rationales.
great inability to reconcile the two.
perspective taking.
bungee jump. adrenaline rush.
legendary.
bam bam boosh kapowwwweeee.
rollercoaster rollercoaster.
o2 o2 o2.
what do i want?
WHAT DO I WANT?
to understand and be understood.
perspective taking.
i'm going to wake up tomorrow feeling
like i just ran over the rainbow
found 8 green ogres' feet
and brought it back home to hang on my walls.
it takes two to clap.
let's make it clap.
i'm severely dehydrated and facing
some serious lack of oxygen in my head
plus chest pains and kesesakan jalan raya
with the urge of nak muntah every few minutes.
see what happens when i get on a rollercoaster.
the last time i recalled me feeling as bad as this was
when i thought i'd lose my dad forever.
i technically did lose him anyway.
it's october. happy children's day.
2 more months till the end of 2009.
it has been a crazy year. crazy is an understatement.
none of that. none of that no more.
just bow down and roll.
_________________________________________
don't go jabbering on your dignity
just because you think you should.
i've known you way more than you do yourself.
go promulgate to people around you
who be telling what you should be, or how you should be.
but don't be coming around with your doggy dogg bullshit.
i don't need none of that.
nor any sort of disrespect to my pride as a woman
or as a person.
Society to Highlight Ingrate Terms (SHIT). Just as the
National Rifle Association believes that a good gun
owner is an educated gun owner, SHIT reminds its
members that cuss words relieve a tremendous amount of
tension, but only if used with respect for their power. SHIT will educate people to use swear words properly.
For instance, shit is an all-purpose word;
cussers should use it when failing an exam or watching
a favorite team cost you $20 by blowing a huge lead.
However, if you use lose more than $20, that's a fuck.
If you're dealing with the IRS, that might be a shit
or a fuck, depending on who did your taxes; if you're
dealing with the FBI or ATF, that's always a fuck.
Among other cuss words, asshole is good for the boss or
moron coworkers or in-laws, but motherfucker should be
reserved for more weighty situations, such as when a
mugger shoots you even after you give him your wallet,
or you realize you're slipping off the edge of the Grand Canyon as you back up for a family photo.
I hear motherfucker invoked for the simplest of transgressions,
such as a foul during a basketball game. No, no, no! "Fuck you" will suffice, or maybe "What the hell?"
Motherfucker is a fairly serious accusation.
half the world needs SHIT.
fucking do-gooders, too bad you couldnt do good at marriage.
__________________________________________
you know what they say about 'letting go'?
it's about everything you live in, live by, live about everyday.
you know what's the new epitome of 'interrupt'?
kanye west.
i lost my mojo in making words seem hiddenly beautiful.
and been listening to crunk mixes.
the club i'm opening in a few years will play crunk mixes
plus cookie jar by gym class heroes every hour
with drinks named after me.
free flow for all till 2.
wednesdays men's night. fridays ladies' night.
no underaged parties ever.
ok ah havent thought out well enough but
the name will be COOKIE JAR.
cos got butter factory what.
so anyone else who want to open can call it tepung gandum or what ah ok.
stress ah. carpark one time ah abeh.
__________________________________________________
i want phuketttt.
start dancing again.
and get a hostel.
besides more cash.
i'm surviving.
_______________________________________________
i want this semester to end fast laaa.
endless meetings. endless presentations. endless essays.
say bye to my straight hair.
which i've had for the past idk how many years.
imiu badlyyy leiiiiii.
____________________________________________
a relative was lost in this month of ramadhan.
i never knew him well,
hence the fact that i never knew he has been sick.
i was supposed to go to his burial this morning
but mum has her reasons for not making me go.
so i missed that. and i missed school too.
fuck this hurts, i wont lie
doesnt matter how much i try
half the words dont mean a thing
and i know i wont be satisfied.
I LIKE BOYS
THEY LIKE ME
THEY LOOK SO GOOD
IN THEIR BAGGY JEANS
SO YOU COULD BE THE ONE
AND MY ONLY
I WANNA BE FAITHFUL
BUT I CANT.... I JUST CANT.
men. are. men.
NO MATTER WHAT.
_________________________________________
i spent part of the afternoon thinking about moral education.
conclusion: IT'S SOME DOGGY DOGGG BULLLLSHIT.
and singapore has an urgent need to revamp
the way it is taught to kids,
these days especially.
sorry MOE. don't fire me ah please.
but anyway,
HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!
in 2 days time.
now i have one more day to celebrate every year.
and red pens don't cut it as presents.
k bye.
___________________________________________
you know it's weird when words contradict.
we all just want world peace
and to know what happens when
hungry ghost clashes with fasting month.
but then again, who cares.
there are wayy better things to worry about
like making work lighter and redlights.
___________________________________________
this is as good as being braindead.
i'd prefer to remove the life support.
__________________________________________
eh. otak mampos sa.
tolong ah. gi mati je.
______________________________________
the situation suck balls.
_________________________________________
i have to do malay sastera,
malay linguistics and
JAWI
as modules for this semester.
how?
it was like being a kid all over again.
texting girlfriend half the time of my every move in school.
whattttttttt.... i've been adapted to being around
lower IQ people okayyyyyyy.
HAHAHAHA bastard.
that's besides the point ah actually.
just that, as much as it sucks that i either have to
compose myself for the long distance walks
or figuring out which bus to take just to get
to another part of the school,
or anything else for that matter,
i can so get used to all of it.
every single bit ;)
and i'm so used to a whole other thing,
i kindaaaaaaa forgot a whole other somethin somethin.
haha.
you know what's the best part of all this?
today was my first day at NIE
AND I'M ALREADY $1.3K RICHER!
i cannot love life any less now.
goodnight lil angels.
_______________________________________
i miss kayangan lestari.
________________________________________
which is real anymore?
ah. it's like you took my head
and slammed it against the wall.
kau. merepek sia.
__________________________________________
kinda need this for myself also ah.
get myself lost sometimes.
AED 105: Critical Perspectives in Education
AED 102 : Educational Psychology I: Theories and Applications for Learning and Teaching
AAD101 : Introduction to Malay Linguistics
AAD102: Jawi and Malay Literacy
AAF101 : Traditional Malay Literature 1
Course Tut/Lect Day Start End
AED102 LG06 Mon 1330 1630
AAF101 LG01 Tue 0830 1030
AAD102 LG01 Tue 1330 1530
AAD101 TG01 Tue 1530 1630
AAD101 LG01 Wed 0830 1030
AAF101 TG01 Thu 0830 0930
AAD102 TG02 Thu 1030 1130
AED105 TG28 Thu 1230 1430
AGS101 TG07 Fri 1730 1930
for that matter, i don't know what's AGS101.
hopefully a module that ain't got nothing to do with me.
0830hours on tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays.
how?
i got to wear those blue graduate robes at the ceremony.
feeling graduates only.
;)
i just realised i'm going to have a new day for myself.
teachers' day.
just give me a break.
there's just things i don't want to do now.
___________________________________________
i cannot. cannot do with anymore of the superficiality.
yes, it was all means to so-called make things better
but tell me for how long is that going to go?
enlighten me on how it was so great the first couple of years
and how did things just go way wayyy down
and the superb inability to converse
and for that matter i do not even know who you are sometimes.
it was never once fair for me.
and i'm well aware of how thoughts have been going differently for you.
pardon my nonchalance in all of that,
but give me a damn good reason why i should even bother a tad bit
when you can't even tell me what's going on.
realise it, that's all i'm asking for.
i just want it as it is now and for god knows how long it's gonna go.
and if i believe well enough, that it can happen,
I HAVE DAMN WELL MADE MY DECISION.
until then, i've obviously yet to make a decision
but that don't mean i can't make one.
take. fucking. that.
________________________________________
i don't know which is worse.
i just don't.
sometimes your mind get so muddled up by things
that may seem as if they're great big things
when for a fact it's all big great nothingness
and for that, you keep mindfucking yourself
but then again you don't know for sure
if it's really nothing or something
so then you just live with it and hope that
one day, maybe one day
you'll realise whether all that is something or
ONE HUGE PIECE OF NOTHINGNESS.
i'm so used to not sleeping at this hour
i don't know how i'm gon adjust my body clock by next week.
sigh.
___________________________________________
breaking news.
BaBsc programme starts on
11TH AUGUST.
KNNCCBBBJDWOIHNFGVIEMNPOASMKKVNJFBNNCCBC.
i'm little miss bummer for the next couple of weeks.
oh and remind me to get a map around NTU/NIE.
plus friends with vehicles.
where's my chicken noodle?
looking at how things may go,
i have to do a whole lot of things nowwww before school starts.
things i've been dying to do lah.
cos who knows how much time i will have left
for myself or whoever once 11august begins.
taking into consideration, hostel or a place nearby NIE.
since when did school get me so stressed even before it starts?
i'm registering for my driving license next month
and gon ask dad for his car.
no matter what ah. shut up.
i hate periods. period.
WHERE'S MY CHICKEN NOODLE?!
eh someone bring me out tomorrow.
and the day after. and the day after...
UNTIL 11TH AUGUST LAH.
thanks ah h1n1. thanks alot.
I'm a heartbreaker. i'm a heartbreaker~
WHERE THE KNN IS MY CHICKEN NOODLE?!
THIS IS MADNESS.
blame the hormones ah.
ala. bye la. i watch hangover until
the boyfriend brings the chicken noodle la.
WHICH SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW.
________________________________________________
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
LAST DAY OF WORK. 19TH JULY 2009.
no more stupid 3am shift.
no more stupid passengers who bargain for lower prices.
no more having to face stupid supervisors.
no more stupid minahs and mats with some serious low IQ.
no more having to deal with rumours and stupid stories.
no more having to drag doing cebu pacific
and back2back flights.
no more newly-hired PRC hoes.
no more dealing with the stupid management.
no more not having the time for the greatest people alive.
BUT
no more "overtime".
no more chowing down mcspicy or hotcakes everyday.
no more spraying expensive perfume.
no more chilling at the bench.
no more meeting some of the higher IQ people every other day.
no more sm, c1, ii1, ab1, .b1, .p1 (check-in code).
no more oogling at the hot passengers.
so that's that.
one week plus of pure chilling before
having to burn hours to boon lay every day.
sighs.
but all that, for the best ah siollll.
pneumonia lingering.
but cannot be ah. just a whole lot of phlegm
deciding to clog up in my lungs
and make me cough like your father.
i'm fucking tired of changing into sexy x-ray coats
and then seduce the radiologist for the 2 seconds.
code of omerta.
google it.
____________________________________________
for the past few years i've rated
urban legend, scream, and all those kind of movies
as my top few.
but not after i watched TEETH and now BAD BIOLOGY.
it is an amazing ass wonder how people even think
of making such movies.
my last day with the airport will be on the 20th july.
i cannot fucking wait to get out of there.
then i'll have a few days to live a life
before i start burning hours travelling to boon lay.
what happens when you just can't get enough of something?
_________________________________________
9 0 0 2 6 double 8 1~
*to the tune of soulja's boy-kiss me thru the phone*
_______________________________________________
siala. lepas kau, kau pulak.
whatthefuckk to the max sia my life.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
FUCKING STOP IT.
__________________________________________
my ultimate take: stop it and fuck it.
on a very much brighter note,
KAYANGAN LESTARI GOT A GOLD FOR SYF!
i cannot be more proud of the girls
whom i honestly thought needed more to attain one.
but thank you god. thank you to everyone involved.
i wish i was part of it. but i'm happy for you all.
____________________________________________
thanks ah pneumonia.
_________________________________________
STOP MINDFUCKING ME LAH!
bye ah. i hate you farid for beating my wordchallenge high score.
__________________________________________
henderson waves :)
________________________________________
a big HUH? to myself ah.
whatthaf to the max and more.
_______________________________________
Damaged, damaged
Damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged, damaged
So Damaged
And you can blame yourself
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it
Baby I gotta know what you are gonna do?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it
Baby I gotta know what you are gonna do?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it
Baby I gotta know what you are gonna do?
You try to gain my trust
Talking is not enough
Actions speak louder than words
You gotta show me something
My heart is missing some pieces
I need this puzzle put together again
_______________________________________
realisations screw up my delusional happy days.
sighs.
______________________________________
thanks to everyone concern
for the surprise, the cake and the helicopter.
thanks for turning up and all.
i love most of you very much.
build me a time machine.
_______________________________________________
here's a big
FUCK OFF
to you.
can be infinity times bigger ah.
__________________________________________
son of a gun.
fuck off.
________________________________________
what happens when happiness really does come first?
________________________________________
yay i earned back alot at poker!
hahahahaha.
i keep forgetting i'm 19
and 2mins ago i forgot how to spell my name.
you ask me how.
i tell you i've no fucking idea.
bu maybe because i entering tired high mode.
but macs start breakfast already.
hungry sa.
later today is my birthday again!
yayayayayayayayayayay!
and i got sampo intl!
hehehe! thanks to frequent riders to jb.
random sial.
penat sial.
dah 4.30 sial.
okay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
___________________________________________
and then i'm nineteen.
i don't feel nineteen.
sometimes i forget i'm nineteen.
happy birthday to other january people.
ok bye
__________________________________________
abt a day left to go.
before i declare myself a
nineteen year old.
i had a thai passenger who's name was
PORNBANDIT.
____________________________________________
happy new year in advance bitches.
that's less than 25hours time.
______________________________________________
politics politics.
i still hate the letter "G".
i love high school MUsical.
_________________________________________________
eh so long seh never blog.
haha i got a job at airport.
finally bodohhh.
customer service agent for passenger check-in under the Swissport company
and it's a shiftwork thing jadi korang dont miss me kay.
nyahahaha. i dont even know the pay how much sak. maha.
today's a good day ;)
hahahahaha.
actually i could do some ranting now ah
but don't want ah.
i have feelings ah but so do others.
lalalalalala.
okay because you said it,
I LOVE RHAIMY.
_____________________________________________
while everyone is away shagged, asleep, drunk,
losing their virginities and whatever else,
i'm blogging. haha. loser eh.
it's past 4 in the morning
and i just got home from prom and the afterparty at zouk.
the post prom party was a huge dissappointment.
it turned out to be underage party (!!!)!
yesss underage. and i expected, well non-underage.
so underage parties equates to extremely full dancefloor.
yes to the core of the centre of the earth.
anddddddddd THERE WAS NO DRINKS LAH SIA!
the 20 bucks included drinks but nooooo drinks only until midnight.
and prom ended at 11plus after which it obviously took a long long long time to get in zouk.
dissappointment clubbing moment ever.
but prom was okay. wayyy better than temasek's gradnite.
the food was good.
the games/activities were lame yet okay.
the emcee was a tad rude but okay.
basically it was okay la..
and someone won best dressed in her years of secondary and jc. FUCKING ANNOYING BIATCH.
hamdisayang won best dressed male.
and Mae the hot biatch and hafiz the unknown biatch won prom queen and prom king.
so yay.
OH OH AND I GOT EXTENSIONS TILL MY WAIST FOR PROM!
EVERYONE LOVES IT.
but now i have to sleep with the extensions on. haha.
so there a tad bit of the insights of prom.
hidayah who wore lotsa makeup to prom shall update her
blog with the photos so you can see my extensions.
HEHEHE.
and later there's the chalet.
i'm looking forward to it but there's really just
some people i don't wish to see.
exhausted. my feet hurts like pancakes. i clubbed with heels on.
bodoh ke ape.
okay bye love you biatches.
_____________________________________________
okayyyy ahhh.
last night was too much fun for a "pre-enjoyment" thing.
free flow of good stuff and sale at haji lane.
sheesha music and everything else great.
hohohohoho.
and throwing up just before i thought i'd pass out.
okay ah really too much goodness.
still too woozy to function.
and tomorrow's last paper!
i can just imagine me writing godknowswhat in Absurd drama section.
kk. last round of studying hopefully probably ever.
chinesepeople probably having quite a hangover ahhh.
okay dah i love you.
___________________________________________
how ah?
4 papers to go.
one week to go.
before i smell, taste, touch freedom.
but then again,
knowing i'll screw up As
only screws up the things to happen after As.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
fly? no fly? retake? work? get married? have babies?
don't know siaaaa.
this is officially the last week to determine
whatever in the hell is to happen next year.
ahhhhh. so much for freedom.
i have less than a month to decide saaaa.
let's hope 2009 don't come so fast.
plus somehow i'm not looking forward to being 19.
plus results will be out the first quarter of next year.
i smell unhappiness.
or maybe i'll just wait like vladimir and estragon.
no need for deviations.
but i really wanna fly!
but i might have screwed gp...
eh fuck lahhhh.
As just screwed up the rest of my life.
and only a fraction of us can say that lah
so i know you all so smart and all go Nus/Ntu etc next year
so applaud yayayayayayay to you okay.
it's a good thing my mom dont give shit. haha.
ah k bye have fun with your lives.
__________________________________________
Each 100 additional divorces worldwide causes
two additional suicides, one additional murder,
6 additional rapes, 33 additional armed robberies,
and puts another 100 men in prison.
HAHAHAHA.
i know you find this fact rather funny too.
razali is badly missed by aku.
2 weeks to the end of 12years of education.
_________________________________________
nak countdown?
k less than a week to start of As.
prepared? hell no.
As timetable quite fucked up ah.
2 one week breaks in between major papers.
especially the break from 13th to 17th.
cambridge fucks.
i decided to put the whole flying thing on hold.
quite saddening when you make such decisions, you know.
find some ground jobs that pays.
SAD AHH.
studying maths for the first time in a year.
i'm failing As lah okayyy.
stop telling me to be positive and that i'll go univershity.
haiyoooooo.
k bye functions integration differentiation
___________________________________________
MTV, PEOPLE KNOW ME, MAKAN BABI!
PUSSYYYYYYYCAT PATUNG!
i fucking love today saaaaaaa.
an extremely good day for the first time in a long time.
feeling The Hills. hahaha.
it's good to be around girls only ah sometimes.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i lazy to go jalan raya tomorrowwwwwwww.
alot of peopleeeeee. bloody fuck. makan babi ah.
oh ya. today last day of school.. technically.
LAST DAY OF SCHOOOLLLLLL.
farewell assembly lame nak mampos but okay ahh.
hahahahahaha prank tak terbuat.
ah k bye. mtv.